Posts Tagged '01/04/09'

Stephen Conroy announces mandatory home monitoring

Senator Stephen Conroy, who has headed a plan to implement a mandatory Internet filtering scheme in Australia, has today announced sweeping new requirements for the Australian Government to monitor Australians’ homes.

Under the mandatory scheme, cameras will be installed in every room of every Australian home. The camera feeds will be monitored by a secret group of bureaucrats who live under Stephen Conroy’s house.

“Anyone could be a child rapist,” Stephen Conroy told a group of reporters at the policy’s announcement this morning.

“If we aren’t keeping an eye on these Godless bastards (the Australian public), we could be letting child abuse just happen.

“This is not an issue of privacy, this is an issue of protecting children. Labor makes no apologies for wanting to protect children.”

The Australian Christian Lobby has supported the move as a way to micro-manage the population.

“I really didn’t think he had the balls to do it. I sent Conroy an email last April 1st suggesting this, and the cunt didn’t even reply,” the Christian Lobby’s Grand Poobah, Geoffrey Jeffries, told SCiaC.

“He stole my fucking idea, but despite that, ACL supports this policy because it’s an effective way to stem the moral decay in Australia. Now I… errr… I mean, other people, won’t be able to masturbate without begging for God’s forgiveness. Not without Conroy knowing, at least.”

Civil liberties groups were contacted for comment, but none have replied. They are all feared to have committed suicide, or worse, moved to New Zealand.